Mar 16, 2012

Over the Hill and Out of the Closet ~ by guest blogger Phoebe



Over the hill: a. relatively advanced in age.
b. past one's prime Cultural Dictionary

Come out of the closet: To publicly announce a belief or preference
that one has kept hidden. “At the last moment, the woman came out of the closet and announced
her passion for Richard Armitage."  (See skeleton in the closet.) American Heritage®
New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, Third Edition


OK! I admit it. I am Over the Hill and I have no business having
a crush on such a babe as Richard Armitage at my point and time in life,
but I just can't help that I am the oldest living RA Fangurl.
IT IS NOT MY FAULT! IT IS NOT MY FAULT!

Blame it on the Recession and the Internet!

Yes, like so many other things that are off balance today, it is the bankers to blame and the government! If the banking and housing crisis hadn't occurred I would have been too busy with work to play around with the computer. I would have been working long hours to come home and relax in front of another episode of Law and Order and off to bed. It is the fault of the Internet too - after all the Internet was the gateway to this obsession. I could Google RA and find 15 pages of photos & links to blogs, articles and sites. The more I saw and read the more I wanted - yes, needed! It's like a porn addiction (not that I know anything about porn) cause the internet makes it all to easy for me to go to RA Fantasyland 24/7 for a fix and release from my boring real life. That damn Internet lead me to Youtube and all of the videos done by fans for Margaret and John and to N&S and then to www.richardarmitageonline.com, which was so much fun to read. (A gold mine of possible topics of conversation) In no time flat I was amazed that I knew more about Richard than I knew about my lifelong friends. YIKES!


Why has a pillar of the community like myself been sucked into this charybdis of passion
(my favorite description from N&S)? Who knows!? Perhaps it's hormones, Internet pheromones, boredom, longing for romance or the fact that Richard Armitage is a work of art.
Me? Well I'm past caring why.

I have read numerous blog posts that try to successfully analyze why Richard makes so many
women feel connected to him. For the most part they all have points that ring true for me, but reality sets in. Yes, every time I walk past a mirror I get the shock of my life - OMG, it's Norma Desmond!
What am I doing!? People will think I am crazy - or pervie or more likely inappropriate
(which is a word that has been used to describe me in the past).

* Tips for Coming Out - An Ongoing Process *

Phase One ~ Passive:

Do you remember when you had a real passionate crush
& all you wanted to do was talk about the subject of your passion?
Well, that is just how it is for me when it comes to Richard Armitage.
Is it that way for you?

If you are like many of his admirers you are pretty isolated (not so for you lucky Brits) and long for someone to share your feelings with who understand. A great place is to join a forum where you will learn to use smileys that 'thud', improve your vocab by learning works like 'phoar', 'peaches', 'crinkles' and you can study in detail every inch of him that he will let us see. On some forums you can indulge in discussion of his dental work but it is hard to find a place to chat about his love life. Yes, his fans are protective. One place where you can find some amazing topics are the blogs which give you plenty of space to come out and comment. Lastly, a daily visit to RAnet.com and RAonline is a must for it is here that you can get the latest news on his comings and goings and an easy place to enjoy photo galleries and lastly the place where you can read RA's love letters to his fans. This is what I call the passive phase because you don't use your photo or your real name and address. You might find that this will satisfy your urge to talk about RA - to ooo and ahhh and crush away! It is a great way to share poetry, fan fiction and amazing graphics. For some of us (and I am one the Lurkers) it is the most comfy place to be. It is amazing how bright and interesting RA's Bloggers and forum members are. There is a blog for every woman's taste.

Phase Two ~ The Real Deal - Coming out to
Friends, Family and Co-workers:

Steps to help you with your Outting:

First step - put a favorite photo of Richard Armitage on your desktop
which will give you an opportunity to answer questions like: Who is that? Why do you have
him on your desktop? You're weird. Changing the photo frequently is recommended.

Second step - Eat lunch at your desk and wear earplugs
so that you can watch videos and have co-workers leer at you or load up
your smart phone. Think of good responses for 'you're so weird.'

Third step -Bring in your Richard Armitage photo mug which you can carry to
the coffee room to get a refill and enjoy another question and answer opportunity.
'Who's that?' "Richard Who', 'What show is he on?' and a guaranteed final
question: 'Why do you have that guy on your mug?"


Fourth step: buy several copies of North & South so that you can lend
one to co-workers. You can tell the guys that it's about trade unions as a selling point!
Also a good way to convince significant others to watch four hours of TV.

Caution: It is not recommend that you wear your Mrs. Richard Armitage t-shirt
that you found on EBay UK on casual Friday. Even I think that is a little too weird!

Fifth Step: Formulate a segway to shift conversation to Richard Armitage
in casual conversation. Just a suggestion, you can use discussion about The Hobbit
as a convenient way to talk about RA. If you think RA has a long nose you should see what
they have done to it for the films or Did you know he speaks Maori?  The subjects are endless.
If you have a significant other who is sporty you can talk about rugby and then share a screen cap
of RA in motion. Remember to breathe evenly. Or perhaps talk about skiing and how poor RA
can't ski because he is filming The Hobbit, which once again brings up another topic.

Tip for at home: buy a jar of Marmite and smear it on your SO's toast...
then while he winces you can share that it is a favorite of your favorite actor.
Or did you know that Leistershire is pronounced Lestershear? (US)
Or perhaps: RA has a chicken pox scar just like you do?

If you are finding that your family and friends give you a vacuous stare,
don't be discouraged. The more you introduce RA into conversations the more accustomed
they will become and knowledgeable too. Hopefully soon they will be able to fully
discuss these stimulating topics with you.

Sixth step: put Misty Mountain Cold on a loop at home or the office.

Seventh step: If you are having girl friends over why not pop in the CD player
one of Richard's Audio Books and if it is a guy - I recommend the Lords of the North
or perhaps have Strike Back running in the background. The guys love Strike Back
and RA in uniform is a sight to be savored.

In conclusion: the name of the game is frequency and level of exposure.

Just a caution: If you still 'blush' when you answer the questions
or hear his name I recommend practicing your breathing. You don't want to
go through the embarrassment of co-workers or friends laughing at you,
not that it happened to me or anything.

Family and friends have gotten used to this Foolish Passion by now but
occasionally I still hear a groan or ‘But Mom he's 40! He is almost my age!' or
'OMG, it's that British guy again' or 'Inappropriate' and a laugh or two at my expense.
I will say that when I think of the different techniques I used to integrate RA
into my real life, the best was the photo gallery of the men in my life.


*        *        *        *        *

About Lynne (RL) aka: Phoebe of C19 ~
Female - US East Coast Liberal - Married - Mother of Four
Real Estate Broker - Anglophile - Interests: too many.

Nat's Notes: I met Lynne (Phoebe or just P) on C19 a few years ago. 
As you can tell, she is a hoot!!! I laughed out loud throughout this entire post. 
Thanks, P!  (Since you think you're so old, will you be my adopted grandma?)

14 comments:

mulubinba said...

Great post Phoebe ... thank you!!! I'm a woman of a 'certain age" too though. Today, I mentioned to the "young ones" at work (and I'm as old as their mothers !), that I needed to book my holidays for late November/early December. When I gave them the reason that OH and I had booked a Hobbit Premiere tour in NZ, they stared at me in gobsmacked amazement! They don't know of course who Richard Armitage is, so there was no point in explaining further except to say that OH and I were both Tolkien geeks ...lol!

Loved this post - thanks for sharing!!

BTW: Phoebe - I think you should still enter the RA "nose" competition. Let's face it, the SFR mug belongs in your kitchen :)

gracie said...

Hilarious. I can relate. But are you sure the Mrs. Armitage t-shirt is out for casual Fridays? LOL

NovemberBride said...

Weird how many of your tactics have been tried here at this old lady's house! We could be sisters. Haven't integrated photo tho. I suspect my bunch would send me off to the funny farm. Wait. I'm already there.

I'm with mulubinba...Tolkien is THE perfect scapegoat. Thanks goodness we have him to blame.

Thanks for the hilarious How To! Makes me feel so much better

C. Doart said...

Thank you very much for this coming out- help instructions, Phoebe and Nat!
I did my coming out with my close relatives and friends rather hesitantly, fearing what their response might be. Their respons was an unsurprised nodding of their head and going on like nothing happened. As my friends like films and some actors, they think my 'obsession' is something as normal as that and, I fear, I must seem to them crazy enough already ;o)

BKJ said...

Very funny!

Vec170203 said...

OMG, I can't stop laughing... I'm still on phase one (i'm pretty isolated...)
I'm starting with phase two: his picture is in my FB biography and I'm getting the mug...
The advantage is that I have mastered the topic Tolkien, so I can have a lot of data to use and convince...

lostinbooks (siouxsiesioux) said...

Congratulations "Feebs" that was hilarious! One brave woman! If you're happy - who cares? Very funny piece and sooo true! Loved it.

lostinbooks (siouxsiesioux) said...

A guilty reminder of my husband's realisation, slapping his forehead and announcing that his wife was in love with "that" Guy on the telly!

bccmee said...

*trying to catch my breath from laughing so 'ard*

I never heard the phrase "Internet pheromones" but perhaps you can submit it to urbandictionary.com if it's not already there, LOL!

These are all good tidbits of advice. I'm fortunate that I don't embarrass easily so my friends and family just have to listen to me babble on and on about that RA guy. ;)

Perhaps someday RA will be the expert topic on the British quiz show "Matermind." You could be a winner! :D

Gratiana Lovelace said...

Hi Phoebe,
I'm listening to the Spooks theme play in the background here. And it reminds me that one of the guys I work with at State University is also a Spooks fan. So apart from my hubby --who sanguinely accepts my admiRAtion for RA--I have only one "real" person who even knows about RA in town. Ha! That's why I need my online Fan Girl friends! Giggles!
Cheers! Grati ;->

Faboamanto said...

Thanks for making me laugh so hard i could cry! I'm also way past my "first blush of youth" so can really relate to what you're saying Phoebe!

You may give me courage to mention the name "Richard Armitage" to my friends and co-workers, since none of them know about my "interest" in him. You are all so right about The Hobbit because I've started adding Thorin and Hobbit pics to my photo screensaver at work lately Only thing one co-worker said recently is that my screensaver is very "distracting"

Violet8886 said...

Love your post Phoebe. Don't worry about age, it's us mature ladies who can appreciate RA all the more..We know more and we appreciate more. Good job Phoebe :):)

Frenz said...

Phoebe, I love you! I feel so much better after reading that, and thankfully, my pants are still dry. Pssst: the depends might have something to do with it.

Anonymous said...

I truly haven't laughed this hard in a long, long time. thanks!