Dec 10, 2010

How the Giz Stole Christmas

Every Knot-Head down in Nottingham liked Christmas a lot…
but the Giz, who lived just north in Locksley, did NOT!
The Giz hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his belt wasn't buckled on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his boots were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
may have been that his leather was two sizes too small.
Whatever the reason, his boots or his threads,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Knot-Heads,
staring down from the castle with a brooding, Gizzy frown,
at the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every Knot-head down in Nottingham beneath,
was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath.
“And they’re hanging their stockings!” he snarled with a sneer,
“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his Gizzy gloved fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!”
For tomorrow, he knew, all the Nottingham girls and boys,
would wake bright and early. They’d rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That’s one thing he hated! The NOISE!
Then the Knot-Heads, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they’d feast! And they’d feast! And they’d FEAST!
They would feast on medieval pudding, and rare Sherwood-roast beast.
Which was something the Giz couldn’t stand in the least!
And THEN they’d do something he liked least of all!
Every Knot-Head down in Nottingham, the tall and the small,
would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They’d stand hand-in-hand. And the Knot-Heads would start singing!
They’d sing! And they’d sing! And they’d SING!
And the more the Giz thought of this Nottingham Christmas Sing,
The more the Giz thought, “I must stop this whole thing!”
“Why, for thirty-five years I’ve put up with it now!”
“I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW?”
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
“I know just what to do!” the Giz laughed as he spat.
And he made a quick Santy Claus scarf and a hat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Gizzy trick!”
“With this scarf and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!”
“All I need is a reindeer…” the Giz looked around.
But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the ol' Gizzy? No! The Giz simply said,
“If I can’t find a reindeer, I’ll make one instead!”
So he called his pal, Vasey. Then he took some red thread,
And he tied a big horn on the top of his head.
THEN He loaded some bags and some old empty containers,
On a ramshackle sleigh and he hitched up old Vazer.
Then the Giz said, “Giddap!” and the sleigh started down,
Toward the homes where the Knot-Heads lay asnooze in their town.
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Knot-Heads were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.
When he came to the first little house on the square.
“This is stop number one,” the old Gizzy Claus hissed,
And he snuck in their house, empty bags in his fist.
He slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
Bows! And arrows! Hooded cloaks! Drums!
Checkerboards! Axes! Teddy Bears! And plums!
While the Knot-Heads were snoozing, the Giz crept through town,
taking gifts and decorations, anything to be found!
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took their feast!
He took the medieval pudding! He took the roast beast!
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.
Why, that Giz even took their last can of Knot-hash!
It was quarter past dawn… All the Knot-Heads, still a-bed,
All still asnooze when he packed up his sled.
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!
The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!
He hid it away in the castle's tallest tower.
He sat a-top of the load feeling mighty empowered!
“PoohPooh to the Knot-Heads!” he was Gizzishly humming.
“They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming!”
“They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do!”
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the Knot-Heads down in Nottingham will all cry BooHoo!”
“That’s a noise,” grinned the Giz, “That I simply MUST hear!”
So he paused. And the Giz put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn’t sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn’t be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at Nottingham! The Giz popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Knot-Head down in Nottingham, the tall and the small,
was singing! Without any presents at all!
He HADN’T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Giz, with his Giz-boots ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?”
“It came with out ribbons! It came without tags!”
“It came without packages, boxes or bags!”
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Giz thought of something he hadn’t before!
“Maybe Christmas,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store.”
“Maybe Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!”
And what happened then? Well…in Nottingham they say,
that the Giz’s hair grew several inches that day!
And the minute his leather didn’t feel quite so tight,
he whizzed with his load through the bright morning light,
And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!
And he, HE HIMSELF! The Giz carved the roast beast!

~Wishing you a warm and Gizzy Christmas season!~
From Nat at The Richard Armitage Fan Blog

*        *        *       *       *       *       *

As you know, this was a twist on the 
Dr. Seuss classic "How the Grinch Stole Christmas."
For another Seuss/Armitage combo, click HERE.
The good Doctor is one of my faves.

Screencaps courtesy of RichardArmitageNet's Gallery


*Chica Popcorn* said...

I like it very much! and of course this will be a very Gizzy Christmas when i (finally) bought the season 1 of Robin Hood!! so greetings and have a nice season Nat! Excellent adaptation and very funny by the way!!

*Chica Popcorn* said...

And by the way...having this poem of yours somone should make a video with the photos you posted with this song: THE GRINCH SONG

diveknit said...

Same to you, your family and everyone else here.
I love the limerick.

tyme_4_t said...

This was one of your best yet! Love the Grinch and the Giz...favourite line "that the Giz's hair grew several inches that day!" LOL!
Have a wonderful Christmas!

Musa said...

The best Holiday poem ever Nat! Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Yep, I think it's the "two sizes too small" leather- LOL

Wishing everyone a very Gizzy Christmas.

RAFrenzy said...

It's a masterpiece!!

Picture me grinning. I needed this. Thanks, Nat.

@Rob said...

I needed it too. This year I am finding it really hard to find my Christmas/holiday spirit. Thank you!!!

Myrtle said...

Bravo Natalie, again,you amaze me!!!

Merry Christmas everyone :)

Phylly3 said...

Oh WOW! This is Brilliant! I love the good Dr. Seuss too. I was really enjoying it and then came the part where he makes Vasey his reindeer and I really cracked up!! Too funny! I am reading this at work...can you imagine how hard it is for me to keep from LingOL?!
Love it! Love it! Love it!

Colleen said...

This is just what I needed today! You are so talented Nat, I love your twist on the Grinch with ol' Giz. Thanks for bring a smile and quite a few chuckles to us all. Merry Christmas to everyone.

Violet8886 said...

This is ever so hilarious!!! I love the twist on the Grinch with Gizzy as the Grinch..He is indeed very Grinch-like...but he also has the capability to change...I love Vasey as a reindeer and the roast beast!! LOL...A very Merry Christmas to you Nat and your family. :)

Charleybrown said...

I love your sense of humour! Brilliant!

Violet8886 said...

Gizzy stole my heart for Christmas!! LOL...:)

Random Ann said...

Wow great job! that was fabulous!

Anonymous said...


pi said...

"...and Gizz's hair grew several inches that day" Bwah! I've wached the Grinch since I was a kid and it's still my favourite Xmas story.
What a marvelous spin! A warm and happy Xmas to you and yours!

And finally Vasey gets the horns he always deserved! Bwah!

Violet said...

That was so funny! Thanks for that! Your merrying the Giz and the Vaze up to Christmas spirit is a real red nose. Mind if I borrow it?

mulubinba said...

This made my day, Nat!! Thank you - I loved it! :)

Violet said...

I meant borrowing that X-mas collage :)

Fanny/iz4blue said...

Are you taking any orders? I would love to have this in bookform! *_*

You topped last years "7 days of Christmas" ... almost Giz tied to a tree is on my mind .. a lot these days *wink*

Anonymous said...

Absolutely brilliant! Many thanks. And a very Merry Christmas to you, Nat, and extended family!


twinkling moon said...

You are a comedic genius Nat! I don't know how you come up with this stuff!

My faves lines: "his leather was 2 sizes too small"; Vaisey becoming the reindeer, and that pic with the 2 of them is too hysterical, LOL! and finally "Giz's hair grew several inches that day" LOL! You really tied that in brilliantly,

A fantastic holiday to you Nat and all the blog readers out there :)

Violet8886 said...

Right back at you Twinkling Moon!!! :)

twinkling moon said...

Thanks Violet :)

Anonymous said...

"But I think that the most likely reason of all,
may have been that his leather was two sizes too small."

::@@:: Maybe that makes him grinchy, but it sure puts me in the spirit. (BTW the accompanying picture is always appreciated.)

Happy Holidays ladies! Much love to you.

Anonymous said...

ahhh so incredibly genius!! I'm so glad to have have found this blog :) Every post just makes me smile wider and wider at my screen like a lunatic!

x Margaret

Violet8886 said...

Happy Holidays to all the ladies..especially the newcomers..:) :)

Unknown said...

Merry Christmas to you and yours Nat! And this post is just genius!

sunflowersue said...

Yeah, I'm late to the usual. Excuses? Way lots of cooking & cleaning going on here to prep for the holidays!Read this & laughed my silly head off! Nat, you are ONE of a kind sweetie, I so love your sense of humor! Blessed Christmas greetings to you all!

PS Deer Vasey cracked me up!

Fanny/iz4blue said...

Getting in the spirit and Reading it out with the kids, who are more well read on the doctor! My Gizzy girl shouts out that Cindy-Loo should have been Marian! Not that I care LOL Have a Merry One!!

Laura said...

Hello everybody, I just wanted to say that there is a message from Richard at richardarmitageonline, lovely man that he is.
I wish everyone Merry Christmas!

Twinkling Moon said...

Hi Laura! How sweet of you to pass that on :) Hope you had a great holiday weekend!

Violet8886 said...

I hope everyone survived the snow..If you got snow in your neck of the woods...;) The wind was big too! This is the time of year to hunker down and read a good book or watch a good DVD...:)

Violet8886 said...

Thanks for the info Laura and Twinkling Moon! :)