When Richard Met Mary...

One of my favorite RA buddies, Mary,

met Richard Armitage on January 16^th at the 92nd St Y

in NYC at the reading of Pinter/Proust.

Mary is a class act, folks, and the coolest
80-something-year-old I know. (Doesn't she look so much
younger!?)   Besides being a published author and artist, she has

a Facebook account and blog.  (I hope I'm as tech-savvy with
whatever space-age crap they come out with when I'm her age.) 
Plus, Mary is an Armi-lover and has the best sense of humor!

This is an account of her

experience with "Our Richard," as she calls him.

 *  *  *  *  *

Nat:  Okay, Mary... let's get this out of the way up front.
Did you or did you not give Richard's bum a nice squeeze when you met him?

Mary: Why do you ask me such a question, Nat!?
Do you not consider me a totally sensible, sane person?

Of course I gave Our Richard's bum a nice squeeze!

Nat:  I knew we were friends for a reason, Mary.

 Nat: Was there a line to meet him? 
If yes, how many ladies did you have to knock out of your path 

as you bulldozed your way to the front?

Mary: Well, I would say we were more of a mini-mob. I only knocked 3 (that I'll admit to) women out of the way, because they were so much smaller than me. The rest were busy knocking ME out of the way.  But as I worked my way forward, I kept saying in a loud voice: "Please (name with-held to protect the guilty) don't push me ahead of these other nice ladies like that! It's not polite!" and the crowd bought it, and let me go through.  That's because I have this way of looking like a rather harmless, sweet OLD LADY who is not capable of the bad behaviour I'm capable of. And that's how I finally managed to bulldoze … I mean, how I managed to get up front.

Nat: Upon meeting The Armitage, how would you rate your swooning

on a scale of "Meh" to "Died on the Spot" ?

Mary: My swooning  was more like OMG!!! IZ THIS REALLLY HAPPENING??? AM I REALLY STANDING NEXT TO OUR RICHARD??? AM I REALLY HERE? IS OUR RICHARD REALLLY HERE? OHHHH, SOMEBUDDY PINCH ME! PINCH ME! PLEASE! OMG!!! ... and like that.  All calm, well behaved and normal.

Nat: What did Richard smell like!?!

Mary: OMG!  I forgot to smell him! What a missed opportunity!!!

Nat:  What the crap, Mary!?  (Next time, my friend... next time!) 

Nat: Tell us the truth... Did you steal his wallet? 

Any other souvenirs from the night?

Mary: Of course I didn't steal his wallet - I am not a wallet thief. What a question!

I stole his credit card.

But when I went to use it afterwards, I couldn't manage to forge that darned signature of his, 
and they threw me out of the jewelry store. (I'll never be able to shop at Tiffany's again!) 

Nat: Please describe what happened when you met Richie-Poo.
(Quick "hi" and picture or was there a deep, heartfelt conversation in which you exchanged numbers?)

Mary: While Richard continued to sign autographs, I continued to stand next to him (to the obvious dismay of the guard nearby who kept motioning for me to go away), and so Richard and I did manage to have a very deep discussion about the Reading. 
As I recall, it went sort of like this:

Richard: So, Miss ... what'd you think of the Reading?

Me:  Actually I couldn't make heads or tails out of most of what I COULD hear ... and ... even though I'm quite well educated … 
I'm a high school graduate, you know ... I'm not really into Proust OR Pinter.

Richard: Yeh ... me neither. When I look back (and we both burst out laughing when he said THAT), Proust is a little too wimpy and mundane for me. I'm more of a rough and tumble, Gisborne kind of Guy. (And we both laughed. Well, at least I did … although I thought I detected a hint of sarcasm in his voice when he knocked Proust like that. )  Our discussion ended abruptly, as the guard started walking menacingly towards me. I have this innate good taste that helps me realize when I … um … have pushed things a little too far.

You can't stop Mary, fools!

Nat: Tell us about the show. What was your favorite part?

Mary: My favourite part was at the end when Our Richard was taking his bows
along with the rest of the Reading troupe, and he suddenly looked up at me in the balcony,
waved my sketch of him at me, winked and threw me a kiss.

Nat: OMGosh! Did that really happen, Mary? 

Mary: No.  BUT ... if it HAD, that would have been my favourite part.

Nat: That and asking Richard if he remembered you, his former cast mate,

and if he wanted to reenact the TRAIN SCENE from North & South...

Okay, okay... obviously this entire interview is

just Mary and I cracking ourselves up!  If you want

to read the real account of her evening, check

out the true story HERE on her blog.

You can also read her guest post, describing how

she was hit by Thornton-Syndrome HERE.

Thank you, Mary, for always making me laugh! :)